This is relatable, Katherine. I am a mother of 8, and I recall the first 3 came in just over 4 years' time, and it was intense. Then, as I like to say, the 'stork' came about every other year - except with our last who is 4 years younger than the 7th. It was quite an operation just to get everyone out the door and into car seats in the early years. And, yes, that first one was tough. It seems no matter how prepared you are/think you are, the experience itself is so different from what I thought it would be. I recall looking at our first newborn - a son - peacefully dozing in his car seat just after we brought him home from the hospital, and asking my husband, "Now what do we do?" But somehow, we figured it out - and we're still figuring it out. We've made so many mistakes and we've learned so much. Thank God for grace and mercy - and Confession, as a fellow mom once said to me. And, yes, as they grow and mature and move out and have classes, jobs, different schedules, busy lives, I am most happy when we can have them all home together. Thank you for sharing your experience. Be encouraged, you are doing a beautiful and noble thing. Those children of yours have eternal, immortal souls and that is a wonderful legacy you can be proud of, however imperfectly it is done.
> I recall looking at our first newborn - a son - peacefully dozing in his car seat just after we brought him home from the hospital, and asking my husband, "Now what do we do?"
I had a similar moment with my firstborn. She already had issues with feeding in the hospital so I knew it wasn’t going to be smooth ride, but at least I had support there. When I sat on my own couch for the first time with my baby in the car seat, we looked at each other, she cried for a feed, and we were both like 😰 (she was only days old, but she already had anxiety around feeding, just like me) It was a rough month after that.
The second and third child, they came home and I’m like “ok, baby, this is how it’s going to happen.” And they were just along for the ride! No drama.
I had a similar experience - three babies within four and one-half years. I found going from zero children to one was, like you said, a baptism of fire - especially because my eldest had a medical issue which necessitated a lot of doctor's appointments and surgery during her first year. Going from one to two was even harder, as my eldest is on the autism spectrum which made her a very challenging toddler who did not adjust easily to a new baby sister. Oddly, going from two to three was extremely easy. My neighbor had seven children, and she told me reassuringly that "anything above three is a wash, you're outnumbered and there's always someone crying so you just adjust!" And indeed, I found with three children I accepted the fact that there would always be one child who was too young/too old/too tired/too bored/too overstimulated to enjoy whatever activity we were doing, and it was OK, they were learning adaptability. It probably helped that my youngest was a relatively calm, happy baby who slept through the night at a reasonable age; as I mentioned, my eldest is on the autism spectrum, and my middle one is the poster child for ADHD and hated anything to do with quiet, calmness or sleep.
My older two are grown up and moved out and the baby is in college now. I miss those days of feeling like mama duck with her three little ducklings following her every where. It was noisy and exasperating and chaotic, but also the most beautiful time of my life. I learned so much about life and about myself from my children, and having them forced me to become a better person.
Ah, it sounds like a beautiful family! Having a firstborn with medical challenges isn't easy. I love what you're saying here about someone always being grouchy about whatever is going on and frankly that's okay. And so much "yes" to someone is always crying lol.
I just had my third baby, which means I now have 3 under 3! My oldest was born when I was 31 and they are 19 and 15 months apart. I definitely think 3 is easier than 1 ever was. The transition from 0 to 1 was rough for me, but after that, it's been smooth sailing.
Katie, I am completely melted by this first photo! What a treasure! I think you're great-great grandchildren will have that photo. It's an heirloom.
It's interesting how growing a family can be such a different experience depending on the situation and the child. I thought going from 3 to 4 was difficult, but I also loved it. I enjoyed motherhood more than ever before because I had more confidence and experience and a lot less self-doubt. But our fourth had colic, didn't sleep very much, and the physical work of 4 children six and under felt like a lot. This all said, I found having our 5th and 6th children to be easy transitions. The kids were a bit older and it was just so much fun! I am grateful every day to have a large family.
Thanks for the encouragement. I turned 30 this year, already have 3, and we both would love more kids but feel very wary of taking the hit of me being pregnant for a year. We have extended family needs, I’m homeschooling, I get really sick, including insomnia, and his business doesn’t have margin for him to be home more. I’m kind of hoping god will make the call for us, and give us twins or another two in a couple years so they each have a buddy. We’ve not had unintentional babies so far which is uncommon in our friend group. Our spacing is 2y8m and 3y2m, so pretty big.
I know that in a decade or two we wouldn’t regret it but it’s super hard to picture right now - not how another baby would fit in, that would be ok (though I want to work more and dread the nap trap) - but how to do what we currently do with me feeling sick or potentially hospitalized for 9-10 months.
We also have 3, third in as many years and we’re taking a breather too. Financially we are at capacity, because this is the house we can afford right now and we are already trying to fit everyone in sensibly. Maybe in a few years I would have helped make more money and a fourth would be feasible (but then again, maybe not). But either way, I’m taking at least 3 years off from childbearing. It’s perfectly ok, I think! And if it doesn’t happen I’ll be happy with my three. And I relate to you a lot. The last pregnancy has been hard on my family because two toddlers just need so much! It was very tough on my husband and existing children. And I was just not operating at 100%. Especially towards the end. It would be easier to do another pregnancy when my kids are older.
Yeah I think that is ok! I have heard the objection that trying to give each kid solo time, or trying to preserve finances, is focusing too much on a “nice life” - that kids don’t really need three sports each or their own room or new clothing to be happy, that more kids = more joy no matter what. I respect the idea of not caring to keep up with the joneses but you also have to protect your marriage from stress as your primary vocation!
I had twins for my first so never had the solo experience, that reallllly catapulted me into motherhood. (I was a tiny bit resentful tbh of the singleton experience!) I had my third last year and it was… much easier than I expected. I’d love 4 kids but I’m also a bit hesitant because I have a feeling I’ll get another set of twins. We shall see! I’ve definitely more or less settled into chaos, for now at least.
I relate to this! I’ve had a non traditional motherhood journey. We said yes to a sibling group of 3 through foster care and wound up adopting 2 or those kids & their other 2 siblings (one kid lives with relatives but is our “bonus teen” who we love dearly). We have 4 kids before turning 30. And we still would love a biological child or two. We’re crazy. Most of my friends my age are on their first. I tell them often that 1 kid is its own type of hard! It’s not a competition. And while 4 kids feels like a lot at times, it also has major perks.
Congratulations on your four children - a blessing! I love your final paragraph. I have five children, spanning 7 1/2 years, and have found such freedom in accepting the humbling mess in which I sometimes find myself. Life is good - more lives are better.
When I had my first 4 kids, it was very similar spacing! The first 3 had age gaps of 16 months, which isn't much of a gap, haha! And then we said...let's try to not have them so close together so the 4th was born 22 months after our 3rd. It was a wild time but I developed some close friendships during that time because I needed to lean in to more mom-to-mom support. Almost every night, multiple kids were awake at different times (nursing baby, toddler with a bad dream, another kid was awake and had to pee, someone else would be feeling sick, ect.) My husband and I were constantly tag-teaming. No regrets about it though. Now I have 7!
You really do learn more and more with each kid to not sweat the small stuff.
We got married the week of my 27th birthday and promptly had three boys within three years of each other. Like you, I didn't have the luxury of large age gaps and it just felt right anyways. We look forward to more. Love your reflections here - thanks for writing it.
This is relatable, Katherine. I am a mother of 8, and I recall the first 3 came in just over 4 years' time, and it was intense. Then, as I like to say, the 'stork' came about every other year - except with our last who is 4 years younger than the 7th. It was quite an operation just to get everyone out the door and into car seats in the early years. And, yes, that first one was tough. It seems no matter how prepared you are/think you are, the experience itself is so different from what I thought it would be. I recall looking at our first newborn - a son - peacefully dozing in his car seat just after we brought him home from the hospital, and asking my husband, "Now what do we do?" But somehow, we figured it out - and we're still figuring it out. We've made so many mistakes and we've learned so much. Thank God for grace and mercy - and Confession, as a fellow mom once said to me. And, yes, as they grow and mature and move out and have classes, jobs, different schedules, busy lives, I am most happy when we can have them all home together. Thank you for sharing your experience. Be encouraged, you are doing a beautiful and noble thing. Those children of yours have eternal, immortal souls and that is a wonderful legacy you can be proud of, however imperfectly it is done.
This is such an encouraging comment! Thank you!
You are welcome.
> I recall looking at our first newborn - a son - peacefully dozing in his car seat just after we brought him home from the hospital, and asking my husband, "Now what do we do?"
I had a similar moment with my firstborn. She already had issues with feeding in the hospital so I knew it wasn’t going to be smooth ride, but at least I had support there. When I sat on my own couch for the first time with my baby in the car seat, we looked at each other, she cried for a feed, and we were both like 😰 (she was only days old, but she already had anxiety around feeding, just like me) It was a rough month after that.
The second and third child, they came home and I’m like “ok, baby, this is how it’s going to happen.” And they were just along for the ride! No drama.
I had a similar experience - three babies within four and one-half years. I found going from zero children to one was, like you said, a baptism of fire - especially because my eldest had a medical issue which necessitated a lot of doctor's appointments and surgery during her first year. Going from one to two was even harder, as my eldest is on the autism spectrum which made her a very challenging toddler who did not adjust easily to a new baby sister. Oddly, going from two to three was extremely easy. My neighbor had seven children, and she told me reassuringly that "anything above three is a wash, you're outnumbered and there's always someone crying so you just adjust!" And indeed, I found with three children I accepted the fact that there would always be one child who was too young/too old/too tired/too bored/too overstimulated to enjoy whatever activity we were doing, and it was OK, they were learning adaptability. It probably helped that my youngest was a relatively calm, happy baby who slept through the night at a reasonable age; as I mentioned, my eldest is on the autism spectrum, and my middle one is the poster child for ADHD and hated anything to do with quiet, calmness or sleep.
My older two are grown up and moved out and the baby is in college now. I miss those days of feeling like mama duck with her three little ducklings following her every where. It was noisy and exasperating and chaotic, but also the most beautiful time of my life. I learned so much about life and about myself from my children, and having them forced me to become a better person.
Ah, it sounds like a beautiful family! Having a firstborn with medical challenges isn't easy. I love what you're saying here about someone always being grouchy about whatever is going on and frankly that's okay. And so much "yes" to someone is always crying lol.
I just had my third baby, which means I now have 3 under 3! My oldest was born when I was 31 and they are 19 and 15 months apart. I definitely think 3 is easier than 1 ever was. The transition from 0 to 1 was rough for me, but after that, it's been smooth sailing.
I remember those days well! You're a pro if you can thrive where you are now.
Katie, I am completely melted by this first photo! What a treasure! I think you're great-great grandchildren will have that photo. It's an heirloom.
It's interesting how growing a family can be such a different experience depending on the situation and the child. I thought going from 3 to 4 was difficult, but I also loved it. I enjoyed motherhood more than ever before because I had more confidence and experience and a lot less self-doubt. But our fourth had colic, didn't sleep very much, and the physical work of 4 children six and under felt like a lot. This all said, I found having our 5th and 6th children to be easy transitions. The kids were a bit older and it was just so much fun! I am grateful every day to have a large family.
Thanks for the encouragement. I turned 30 this year, already have 3, and we both would love more kids but feel very wary of taking the hit of me being pregnant for a year. We have extended family needs, I’m homeschooling, I get really sick, including insomnia, and his business doesn’t have margin for him to be home more. I’m kind of hoping god will make the call for us, and give us twins or another two in a couple years so they each have a buddy. We’ve not had unintentional babies so far which is uncommon in our friend group. Our spacing is 2y8m and 3y2m, so pretty big.
I know that in a decade or two we wouldn’t regret it but it’s super hard to picture right now - not how another baby would fit in, that would be ok (though I want to work more and dread the nap trap) - but how to do what we currently do with me feeling sick or potentially hospitalized for 9-10 months.
That sounds really hard. I feel like He always makes a way. Sometimes the door is closed, sometimes it's open. You'll know.
We also have 3, third in as many years and we’re taking a breather too. Financially we are at capacity, because this is the house we can afford right now and we are already trying to fit everyone in sensibly. Maybe in a few years I would have helped make more money and a fourth would be feasible (but then again, maybe not). But either way, I’m taking at least 3 years off from childbearing. It’s perfectly ok, I think! And if it doesn’t happen I’ll be happy with my three. And I relate to you a lot. The last pregnancy has been hard on my family because two toddlers just need so much! It was very tough on my husband and existing children. And I was just not operating at 100%. Especially towards the end. It would be easier to do another pregnancy when my kids are older.
Yeah I think that is ok! I have heard the objection that trying to give each kid solo time, or trying to preserve finances, is focusing too much on a “nice life” - that kids don’t really need three sports each or their own room or new clothing to be happy, that more kids = more joy no matter what. I respect the idea of not caring to keep up with the joneses but you also have to protect your marriage from stress as your primary vocation!
I had twins for my first so never had the solo experience, that reallllly catapulted me into motherhood. (I was a tiny bit resentful tbh of the singleton experience!) I had my third last year and it was… much easier than I expected. I’d love 4 kids but I’m also a bit hesitant because I have a feeling I’ll get another set of twins. We shall see! I’ve definitely more or less settled into chaos, for now at least.
My hat goes off to the moms who start their journey with twins! I'm in awe.
I relate to this! I’ve had a non traditional motherhood journey. We said yes to a sibling group of 3 through foster care and wound up adopting 2 or those kids & their other 2 siblings (one kid lives with relatives but is our “bonus teen” who we love dearly). We have 4 kids before turning 30. And we still would love a biological child or two. We’re crazy. Most of my friends my age are on their first. I tell them often that 1 kid is its own type of hard! It’s not a competition. And while 4 kids feels like a lot at times, it also has major perks.
Your family sounds beautiful!
Congratulations on your four children - a blessing! I love your final paragraph. I have five children, spanning 7 1/2 years, and have found such freedom in accepting the humbling mess in which I sometimes find myself. Life is good - more lives are better.
Amen. Yes! There truly is a freedom to embracing the chaotic now, even if it isn't easy.
When I had my first 4 kids, it was very similar spacing! The first 3 had age gaps of 16 months, which isn't much of a gap, haha! And then we said...let's try to not have them so close together so the 4th was born 22 months after our 3rd. It was a wild time but I developed some close friendships during that time because I needed to lean in to more mom-to-mom support. Almost every night, multiple kids were awake at different times (nursing baby, toddler with a bad dream, another kid was awake and had to pee, someone else would be feeling sick, ect.) My husband and I were constantly tag-teaming. No regrets about it though. Now I have 7!
You really do learn more and more with each kid to not sweat the small stuff.
We got married the week of my 27th birthday and promptly had three boys within three years of each other. Like you, I didn't have the luxury of large age gaps and it just felt right anyways. We look forward to more. Love your reflections here - thanks for writing it.