I cannot tell you the terrible push back and criticism that I received when I left my fancy ad job to work part time at a small start up agency because we wanted to begin a family and I wanted to work less and be home more. I cried for days at work because they were trying to stonewall me into staying and giving up MY dream for theirs. Love that you are speaking up about this. 🥰
Maria, no! I’m so sorry that happened. I just wish we had know one another then. You mother in a way that inspires me so much. I want to get our families together soon.
I would love that. You inspire me, as well, Katie.
I forgot to mention that I adore that you used the word Courageous, as I used the exact same word to describe my journey to stay at home motherhood when I wrote about it few months ago here on Substack. 😊
So very real. It absolutely is a courageous choice for many of us. Love to see you writing on this.
There's a saying popping up in my head, maybe a compliation of a different quotes, that education is never wasted on a woman. An African proverb? (Off to Google, ha.) Either way, it's so true. And so many educated women who don't want to continue working full-time after they become mothers, even just wanting to go part-time or take a few years off, have this feeling (that they're "wasting their education"). My cousin just said it to me a few months ago.
Oof. We need a major cultural rethinking around motherhood and work. Thanks for your voice!
I took two years off from working as an RN when I had my second child, which coincided with the beginning of Covid. To be honest, I thought I would never go back, especially considering I have some moralistic qualms with some of what the medical complex has to offer, but ultimately we needed the financial input and I found myself in a speciality that feels good ethically to me. In those two years off, in which I got pregnant and had my third as well, I never felt more at peace and also I had never worked harder. I also felt the judgement and doubt of others, especially my friends from nursing school and the various nurse friends I had made in my time at different hospitals over the years. “You’ll lose your skills”, “you should just be PRN and keep your foot in the door”, etc. Going back was hard, but it was fine, and ultimately I have intentions to be at home full time again in the next few coming years-and I truly believe that that endeavor is the most ambitious of all. I’m so glad you have been able to make time for your writing and photography, it is so inspiring!
Making time is so crucial! I feel like nursing is one of the most ideal paths for women wishing to mix motherhood and outside work because you can often choose the amount of shifts + take steps back and then as long as you maintain your license, go back full time if you'd like. It is pretty amazing in that way. I'm also learning that many other path are like that-- mine included. I've had my photo biz on sabbatical since I got pregnant with my third and I still often get requests to shoot again.
And that fact (your last sentence) is a testament to your talent!
Also, yes, nursing can be ideal for mothers. I work part time, which is two days a week and I because I am contracted to work weekends only, make what I would typically make working full time since I fill in on the days others don’t want to work and they do incentivize that. The hours are very long but otherwise I consider myself very blessed to have this set up. For now, it works. The goal is of course to be home all of the time and write more and have more babies but only time will tell on that one💗
This is so frustrating!!! I have nothing but awe, respect, and admiration for moms mothering from home. I am working full time outside of the home and while this is primarily a financial decision, it is also one of personal desire. I guess, I often wonder to myself if I could financially stay home, would I? You are amazing and your kids are so lucky to have you.
Most, actually all, of my friends who had babies have gone back to work part time or full time. I had to find new friends who were homeschooling so my children have other children to meet with regularly. My husband and I had decided to live off his income and homeschool our kids even though it does make us very tight financially.
There is a sort of society pressure to be keep up with a career as well as motherhood but people soon realised I was more interested in having more kids and growing more food!
I did consider trying to find some part time work or study once the kids were over 2 but it wasn’t practical for us. By that time the next baby is usually on the way and I get severe morning sickness! I have ended up with a AirBnb income from a cabin on our property. That has been a blessing that helps the income side of things without me needing to leave home.
I think it took me a few years to adjust to being ok with staying home in spite of everyone I knew going back to work. The toddler years are intense (especially with twins) and part of the reason to find work was to have a break from the kids! Other mums said it they had a rest when they went to work! But it gets easier as the kids became more independent and also I got more used to the rhythm of home life.
I find it very satisfying and fulfilling to be the one teaching and guiding my own children. It’s the most important job in the world to me! I trained as a teacher but would rather wait until my kids are grown before I teach other people’s kids. I can practice on mine first!
You sound like a phenomenal mother. Thank you for reading and commenting, Obbie! Your commentary about children getting a little easier as they get older reminds me of a book I'm reading right now that you might enjoy. It's called "Mothers Rule of Life" by Holly Pierlot.
This piece really spoke to me. When I first made the decision to stay home with my son I always felt like I had to also add that I was going to school to make it seem like I was doing more than “just” being a mom. Now 2.5 years later and another baby later I am actually pursuing further study, but with the goal of having hours, being able to work from home and being with my babies. That’s always going to be the most important and I make no apologies about it.
Thank you so much, Belinda. Yes, I think the qualifying it is a sign that it is not collectively respected. Otherwise we wouldn't feel the need to! And YES to making no apologies. I love that!
My mother told me that the Dean of her college once told her, “If you educate a boy, you educate a man. If you educate a woman, you educate a family.” My mom had her master’s degree in music education. ( considering she would have been 102 this past July, that’s saying something.)
I’ve often remembered that. While it isn’t 100% true all of the time, it certainly is true that educating a woman is worth it. I chose to leave the career my education prepared me for and homeschool my kids. I’ve never regretted it.
And my mom? She chose to stay home to raise my two sisters and I. She never regretted that either. I was blessed to have her pour so much of her life into me. I still miss her every day.
I cannot tell you the terrible push back and criticism that I received when I left my fancy ad job to work part time at a small start up agency because we wanted to begin a family and I wanted to work less and be home more. I cried for days at work because they were trying to stonewall me into staying and giving up MY dream for theirs. Love that you are speaking up about this. 🥰
Maria, no! I’m so sorry that happened. I just wish we had know one another then. You mother in a way that inspires me so much. I want to get our families together soon.
I would love that. You inspire me, as well, Katie.
I forgot to mention that I adore that you used the word Courageous, as I used the exact same word to describe my journey to stay at home motherhood when I wrote about it few months ago here on Substack. 😊
So very real. It absolutely is a courageous choice for many of us. Love to see you writing on this.
There's a saying popping up in my head, maybe a compliation of a different quotes, that education is never wasted on a woman. An African proverb? (Off to Google, ha.) Either way, it's so true. And so many educated women who don't want to continue working full-time after they become mothers, even just wanting to go part-time or take a few years off, have this feeling (that they're "wasting their education"). My cousin just said it to me a few months ago.
Oof. We need a major cultural rethinking around motherhood and work. Thanks for your voice!
I appreciate you so much, Amber. Thank you! I want to read this proverb-- it sounds timely! Education is never a "waste."
I took two years off from working as an RN when I had my second child, which coincided with the beginning of Covid. To be honest, I thought I would never go back, especially considering I have some moralistic qualms with some of what the medical complex has to offer, but ultimately we needed the financial input and I found myself in a speciality that feels good ethically to me. In those two years off, in which I got pregnant and had my third as well, I never felt more at peace and also I had never worked harder. I also felt the judgement and doubt of others, especially my friends from nursing school and the various nurse friends I had made in my time at different hospitals over the years. “You’ll lose your skills”, “you should just be PRN and keep your foot in the door”, etc. Going back was hard, but it was fine, and ultimately I have intentions to be at home full time again in the next few coming years-and I truly believe that that endeavor is the most ambitious of all. I’m so glad you have been able to make time for your writing and photography, it is so inspiring!
Making time is so crucial! I feel like nursing is one of the most ideal paths for women wishing to mix motherhood and outside work because you can often choose the amount of shifts + take steps back and then as long as you maintain your license, go back full time if you'd like. It is pretty amazing in that way. I'm also learning that many other path are like that-- mine included. I've had my photo biz on sabbatical since I got pregnant with my third and I still often get requests to shoot again.
And that fact (your last sentence) is a testament to your talent!
Also, yes, nursing can be ideal for mothers. I work part time, which is two days a week and I because I am contracted to work weekends only, make what I would typically make working full time since I fill in on the days others don’t want to work and they do incentivize that. The hours are very long but otherwise I consider myself very blessed to have this set up. For now, it works. The goal is of course to be home all of the time and write more and have more babies but only time will tell on that one💗
This is so frustrating!!! I have nothing but awe, respect, and admiration for moms mothering from home. I am working full time outside of the home and while this is primarily a financial decision, it is also one of personal desire. I guess, I often wonder to myself if I could financially stay home, would I? You are amazing and your kids are so lucky to have you.
Most, actually all, of my friends who had babies have gone back to work part time or full time. I had to find new friends who were homeschooling so my children have other children to meet with regularly. My husband and I had decided to live off his income and homeschool our kids even though it does make us very tight financially.
There is a sort of society pressure to be keep up with a career as well as motherhood but people soon realised I was more interested in having more kids and growing more food!
I did consider trying to find some part time work or study once the kids were over 2 but it wasn’t practical for us. By that time the next baby is usually on the way and I get severe morning sickness! I have ended up with a AirBnb income from a cabin on our property. That has been a blessing that helps the income side of things without me needing to leave home.
I think it took me a few years to adjust to being ok with staying home in spite of everyone I knew going back to work. The toddler years are intense (especially with twins) and part of the reason to find work was to have a break from the kids! Other mums said it they had a rest when they went to work! But it gets easier as the kids became more independent and also I got more used to the rhythm of home life.
I find it very satisfying and fulfilling to be the one teaching and guiding my own children. It’s the most important job in the world to me! I trained as a teacher but would rather wait until my kids are grown before I teach other people’s kids. I can practice on mine first!
You sound like a phenomenal mother. Thank you for reading and commenting, Obbie! Your commentary about children getting a little easier as they get older reminds me of a book I'm reading right now that you might enjoy. It's called "Mothers Rule of Life" by Holly Pierlot.
This piece really spoke to me. When I first made the decision to stay home with my son I always felt like I had to also add that I was going to school to make it seem like I was doing more than “just” being a mom. Now 2.5 years later and another baby later I am actually pursuing further study, but with the goal of having hours, being able to work from home and being with my babies. That’s always going to be the most important and I make no apologies about it.
Thank you so much, Belinda. Yes, I think the qualifying it is a sign that it is not collectively respected. Otherwise we wouldn't feel the need to! And YES to making no apologies. I love that!
My mother told me that the Dean of her college once told her, “If you educate a boy, you educate a man. If you educate a woman, you educate a family.” My mom had her master’s degree in music education. ( considering she would have been 102 this past July, that’s saying something.)
I’ve often remembered that. While it isn’t 100% true all of the time, it certainly is true that educating a woman is worth it. I chose to leave the career my education prepared me for and homeschool my kids. I’ve never regretted it.
And my mom? She chose to stay home to raise my two sisters and I. She never regretted that either. I was blessed to have her pour so much of her life into me. I still miss her every day.